Monday, July 14, 2008

Trying to turn the ICEBERG upside down..

Biscuit Monster


She was thinking about him. The serial. He was awful, disgusting, nasty. He was a jerk. Did she love him? Maybe the same question was the desired answer. She wanted to know what he was thinking. But she knew she had lost him. The serial. How to allure him, how to keep him? Did she love him? Maybe she was in love with this other guy, his friend. She was not sure. It did not matter any more. Hum, this biscuit was cool.


She was seeing what her eyes wanted to see and she was hearing what she wanted to hear. Most of the time it was unpleasant. Long time ago she had lost her objectivity. Long time ago something has made her sightless. She was very tense. In her head she was feeling tension. Maybe because of that that she had made a lot of forbidden things. Did her consciousness torment her? Maybe she was trying all the time to lie herself she was good. Maybe that was the root of her tension. It was hard and often she was lying herself to find a little peace but all this was purchasing her. She was afraid of punishment. Was she excusing herself? Sure. She could not stand herself but she did not confess that and often she was proud with herself. Hum, yummy biscuit.


She was blind. She was seeing distorted reality. It was inimically. For so long she was not objective. She was lying herself. That’s how she was keeping going. She was insane. Were the subjective people insane? To what extend subjectivity is normal? Was she insane? Will she get insane? This question often tormented her. And this permanent headache. But all that was for an instant. In most of the time she was sure in her correctness and beside that she was hiding her real face (maybe deep in her soul she knew it was not for showing) and was playing the role of good, pleasant and smiling. But this smile was a grimace. Was she guilty? She was playing the role of nice and pleasant but she was not and that’s why that role didn’t satisfy her. It is like if you want a coffee and you have a cup of tea. Again she unsuccessfully was lying herself. But NO! She could not be herself. Her consciousness often broke her sleep that’s why she preferred to get tired to death and to be always busy and not thinking. But that was hard burden. She was excusing herself and often she was thinking that she was doing good to people and to the world. She will do good and to the next biscuit…


She wanted to get it all. She was greedy. In her wish to receive she was loosing all but didn’t realize it. She didn’t know the reason for all that. Maybe she thought she deserved something more, but maybe she was just gluttonous. She often had a bite of biscuits. She was wanting a lot, more and more, many. She was greedy, gluttonous. As the food she was swallowing and men. She was gourmet. For breakfast, for lunch, for dinner for hors d`oeuvre and as a desert. She was stuffing herself and she was always unsatisfied. Did he love her? This was important. Biscuits…

She was insensible, but she thought she had feelings and often was showing with them. But her deeds were proof for the opposite. Her heart was on her sleeve, but this was her greatest delusion, maybe part of her madness. She was playing the role. She thought she was sly but she was unhappy. Always trying to outmaneuver, always fighting with imaginable enemies, always trying to manipulate situations in order to get the desired. Almost every time loosing. She was confused and she was keeping eating biscuits and she was sure in her rightness.


P.S. The story was written under the influence of Hemingway and was a try to turn the iceberg upside down.

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